Why Do All My Friends Bring Me Such TINY Cans of Ginger Ale?

They still make the real ones, you know, and I am sick, not making cocktails, also, what did I do to deserve this?

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I was out of town for two weeks in several places and upon returning home received no fewer than 987 emails telling me that someone I was around tested positive for Covid-19. One of these used the phrase “out of an abundance of caution.” I don’t think letting me know someone I was in proximity to has Covid-19 qualifies as an “abundance of caution.” But this whole situation is such a mess, people don’t know what to say. I do wish they could just tell you who it is, like, give me something here, did I walk past this person in a hallway or is this someone with whom I shared six mugs of cocoa in a warm closet?