The Writing Business

Yikes

Hey everyone. I have a long essay for subscribers I am almost done with. It is very long! I will put it out soon. In the meantime I wrote this. I’m making it free because I do that now and then. But please subscribe if you can. They are a bit on sale through the holidays.

The Writing Business

I had a very bad Friday morning in The Writing Business.

I have three stories out right now. Each one is a challenge and so far, a disappointment. Not the pieces themselves but how they are moving through the world.

One of my stories I sent out two months ago. I was told someone wanted to publish but when I check up on this I hear nothing. Granted when they told me they liked my story I was so excited that I feel like I said weird things to them and sounded insane Now they won’t get back to me and I have no idea if they’re just busy or if they are like "Sarah Miller is fucking nuts, avoid.”

Writers are not exactly the most emotionally regulated people. That said, there are times I feel like I might be a bit or a lot for editors to handle. I take direction well. I don’t mind feedback, unless it’s excessive and the ideas are bad. Usually I am fine. I just have a lot of personality.

Editors — I don’t know if I get them. I was one for a while and I felt harried and annoyed and when people asked me about their stories I just wanted to shout at them. I should probably remember these experiences more often, because now I am sure people want to shout at me. But it’s hard to remember when you are a writer, especially when you just feel shitty about even doing this job anymore, that this is your profession in the first place.

So, yes, one thing just up in the air. The second story I have out and am worried about I wrote in August, quickly I might add, because it was a bit of a rush job, and then did a smallish re-write on, following the excellent direction of the editor which I listened to, absorbed and executed in a professional and timely manner. I am owed expenses; I am owed my fee. I realized the other day after having forgotten about this piece for a while that the piece was supposed to come out like NOW and I hadn’t heard a word. Wondering if it’s been killed and no one told me. Worried that I am getting kill fee instead of the fee. Asked about shit. Asked again. Nothing. It feels so shitty. Not as bad as getting broken up with, but shitty like that. Asking is hard, waiting is hard, not wanting to ask again because if you have to ask. I’m anticipating chasing money, almost as not fun as chasing love.

The last story is a story I’ve worked on for so goddam long and hard and I feel so attached to. It is extremely important to me. I don’t know what’s up with it and the way I inquired after the story made the person ill disposed towards me and perhaps the whole situation. I wasn’t rude or bad I just made a wrong choice.

And I was determined on Friday morning when I wrote these people that at the very least I would know what’s up. Now it’s Monday and I know nothing more and I feel worse, with no promise of payment or publication dates or anything. And I waited a long time to contact all these people. I mean I gave it all so much time, so much space. I thought surely if I wait this long to inquire information will come. Surely not all the news will be bad.

I’m very much feeling like doing something else with my life right now. I won’t, because I am good at this, and because it’s all I can do, other than cook, clean, speak Spanish, swim in cold water and sell wine. I will let you all know if there are any developments. Maybe I am making myself look bad by telling you all what shit is like now for me, but those of you who are writers will understand and those of you who aren’t and maybe wish you were can feel grateful for having had and pursued other talents. I know this is not the most sunny and optimistic of newsletters today, but I am The Real Sarah Miller, and this is the story, today. As mentioned, I have a good long essay coming to you in the next 48 - 72 hours. And that will be paywalled af.