Sex Ed For Gross People

and a silver lining

courtesy of Wikimedia

A friend of mine has a daughter who is at the sexual education class age. I have met and spoken to his daughter at least twenty times but we have never had a substantial conversation. She is not interested in me but she is always polite. Five stars.

The other day this girl came home with a list of questions from her sex ed class that she was supposed to share with her parents.

One of the questions (or two of them, I guess) was “What is the biggest penis in the world and what is the smallest penis?”

“I learned that the smallest penis in the world is one inch,” my friend said. We nodded to each other to show that this was valuable information but did not comment. Then he added, “I obviously already knew the answer to what is the biggest penis in the world. Because it’s in my pants.” 

He told me the biggest penis in the world — I didn’t ask him to cite sources —  is 13 inches. We found a paper bag and a measuring tape and drew a 13 inch line on the bag. We both said “Wow.”