I Survived Longlegs

Who among us does not want to do a practice meet-up with Satan?

I haven’t seen many horror movies. I saw The Shining. I saw Psycho. I saw Candyman and Rosemary’s Baby by accident, and a quartet of drunk homosexuals once hoodwinked me into seeing The Conjuring 2.

But no Scream, no Jasons, no Freddy Krugers, no Omen of any sort, definitely no The Witch or Midsommar. I wouldn’t see Midsommar for a free lifetime supply of fire insurance and Ruthie clones.

Every time I’m tempted to go to a horror movie I just read the Wikipedia page and don’t. This is a tradition that started several years ago when I was staying with a friend and one night after a few glasses of wine we decided because we like movies so much and everyone said Hereditary was good that we would go see it even though we’re both giant babies. 

In the morning I woke up, read the Hereditary Wikipedia page and decided there was no way in hell I was seeing that movie. I went downstairs to break the news to my friend. She was sitting there drinking coffee and looking at her phone. She said, “I just read the Wikipedia page for Hereditary. Sorry, but there is no way in hell I’m seeing that movie.”

Friday I was in a bit of a funk and I thought I should pay a visit to the cinema. Longlegs was the only thing playing that looked remotely interesting. I’m going to go, I thought, what’s the big deal?