Freshly Squozen

This is your brain on freshly squozen

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Freshly Squozen

The other day I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his good friend from high school and we were talking about things that we thought were true or real when we were younger.

In my case younger means 40 and I think you’ll agree the thing I thought is the most embarrassing.

My boyfriend’s friend thought that the word squozen was a real word. This is a childhood thing, not sure of her exact age when she realized it was not. Anyway, she had seen a commercial that advertised the fruit in a juice concentrate as “freshly squozen” and she thought that squozen was “in the dictionary.” There is a good reason for this. She and my boyfriend grew up in an extremely low media/borderline hippie atmosphere and she must’ve been so enchanted by the idea of something being squozen that she thought “this just must be real, it has to be, please let me live in a world of freshly squozen fruits.” What I’m saying is because there wasn’t a lot of media in her life she didn’t know how ridiculous media can be and that they are more than capable of making up a word like squozen, and obviously worse.

My boyfriend’s is that he didn’t know Ireland and England were separate countries, and he didn’t know this well into his thirties. I bet a lot of people don’t know this, and as with squozen, I blame “the media.”

And so now we come to mine. I thought that humans were descended from monkeys, which is true but I thought they were just descended directly from monkeys meaning I thought that one day they were monkeys and that then, many many years later, there were humans. I guess I thought monkeys just existed “from the dawn of time” and skipped over the part where monkeys came from amoebas and then worms and eels and so on. I was able to think this because I never ever thought about evolution. I probably had to take one test on it in biology and I was like yeah yeah one-celled organisms, monkeys, I probably got a B+. I did not really care very much about science, I was like ugh what do I need with this boring stuff. As usual the joke is on me, I’d like to end by saying the person who thought squozen was a word is a successful physician, thank god she does not operate on oranges.