“Listen—it’s going to turn out one way, or the other.”
“You can have sex—just don’t sleep around.”
"Remember—water seeks its own level.”
“Just keep working hard.”
“Stop letting your hair get in your eyes. You’re going to end up cross-eyed.”
“Listen. All you have to do is apply yourself.”
“If you want to be a flight attendant you’re going to need to lose weight, because the airline isn’t going to want to pay all that extra money for fuel. Sure, one time, it doesn’t make a difference. But over time, the weight, the fuel, it adds up.”
“Learn to type.”
“If you’re going to be a blogger you’re going to have to get business cards, otherwise no one will take you seriously. You can use my Office Depot coupon to get 10% off on the cards.”
“Listen. No one is more dangerously insane than one who is sane all the time.”
(“Hey uh Dad, isn’t that Alan Watts?”
(sound of television)
“What? I can’t hear you.”)
“You should apply to be a conductor on Amtrak— it's good, steady work."
Age 10: “Listen, ten is a very tough age.” Age 15: “Listen, fifteen is a very tough age.” Age 36: “Listen, 36 is a very tough age.”
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