An Animal Name For My Son

It can take years to find the right animal name but when you know you know

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Cheetahs, Dogs, Explosions

The weekend was characterized by relief that things are so much better than they were this summer. That said, through Tuesday we are under “red flag” conditions, which means higher than usual fire risk due to winds.

Everyone wants fire season to be over so bad, we’re like, IT IS OVER BECAUSE WE SAY SO. But that’s not how it works, and the rain we wanted last week barely showed up.  BUT I WISH, WE ALL WISH.

Friday night I went over to E’s house, she was out of town but my fake son was there taking care of E’s actual son. (I think it’s a good time to rename E because I talk about her a lot. She is, and has been for some time, the Muskrat. Her son is the Harbor Seal. I’m going to call my (fake) son the Cheetah.)

So, to reiterate, I went over to the Muskrat’s house to hang out with the Cheetah who was taking care of the Harbor Seal. I didn’t drink a lot but I smoked a tiny amount of pot and got way too high because our other friend who was there and doesn’t have an animal name yet (it can take years) always has really strong weed. I wanted to go home because I had taken care of the Harbor Seal the night before and didn’t want to sleep over again, but the Cheetah was like dude, you are so stoned, you can’t drive, and I did not want to argue with a Cheetah!

I woke up in the morning to the sound of children’s television, oh joy, two mornings in a row. I went home and got ready to work at the wine store. It’s generally a one-person operation, but on Saturdays the owner does tastings and needs help, and I am the help. “You’re employee of the month, again!” he said to me when I came in, five minutes late as always. I don’t think he cares. 

It was my first day back in a while, because we’d taken a break from tastings during this latest Covid explosion. We were busy right away, pouring a Soave (white, Italian, crisp, minerally) and an easy-drinking GSM blend from the central coast of California and a rich Malbec from Argentina. Then a shit ton of people came in and there were new bottles being opened right and left and it was kind of nuts but in a good way. Usually when I work I have about 1.5 glasses of wine over a period of four hours. Yesterday I probably had three or maybe even four.   

 T. had to come get me. We argued over where to go to eat, not because we argue about stuff like that a lot but because there aren’t a lot of great options here and one tends to project their frustration about this onto their dining partner. It’s only natural.  In the end we got a pizza and fried calamari and shrimp. We got it to go because one of us is way less over Covid than the other one.  

We were so hungry we ate the fried seafood in the car with our hands. Then we watched the last two episodes of Love & Anarchy. I’m thinking about writing about this show, a 1/2 hour Swedish comedy starring two extremely hot people. I love it, T. thinks it is just good but not great. He gets nervous watching it because there are a lot of very awkward situations and endless lying. T. hates watching people lie or otherwise deceive each other in movies or television. I quite enjoy it. 

Sunday we went for a walk with the Cheetah, the Harbor Seal, Ruthie and the Muskrat/Harbor Seal’s dog, Oskies.

puppy oskies

Oskies and Ruthie really tore it up, growling, chasing each other in tight circles, running so fast their bodies were almost parallel to the ground. It is wonderful to see two athletes in their prime on the same playing field. When I did Peloton later I tried to bring their spirit onto the bike with me, with limited success.

Back at home, I worked on this while T. played some computer game. At around seven there was a massive explosion. 

Clearly, my greatest accomplishment of the weekend was finally realizing that my son is the Cheetah. I just yelled to T. “I have a name for X, they are the Cheetah!” and he said, “Oh, yes, the Cheetah, of course.” We have to agree on the animal name. It has to absolutely resonate for both parties. If it does not it is no good.

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